Our party tribe were already crumbling and their personal lives falling apart. One very successful couple with 2 young children abused drugs constantly, fought constantly. Their children witnessed drug use around them from a very young age. Something that always made me uncomfortable and wished I had said no to a lot more in my own home. Another friend saw himself in and out of rehab, stealing from family and friends. In complete despair.

I grew up in the Eastern suburbs of Adelaide. My family unit had two loving parents and an elder brother. I completed high school, a Diploma in Business Management. In other words I was well educated, had a good upbringing, a pretty standard average Aussie chick. What I am trying to say in that I'm not a victim of a family cycle of abuse.  To put it plainly, I was the blacksheep of the family who jumped the conservative tracks for the rush of alcohol and drugs.

I guesstimate it was around August 2011 when Blaze asked me if he could run drugs. Jasper was one month old. My answer was NO. Straight out NO. We had watched our best friends marriage completely crumble and another friend was lost in rehab cycles because of Ice. Why in the world would I want my husband to start moving drugs?!!  What good could come of it? Blaze wanted to be the money man. That was the plan. And he had money, not that he shared it with me. For the best of 2010-2011, Blaze worked FIFO construction overseas. 5 weeks away, 1 week home. His annual earning during this period - $220K. This was not a man who needed extra cash in desperation.

He took my NO and kept at me for weeks:
- Think of the money we could make in a short period of time.....
- While you are on maternity leave, you will pretty much have access to the same salary...
- I just want to make sure I can financially care for you and Jasper....
- I will only do it for 6 months, its a quick cash influx.....

On and on and on.... Until eventually he wore me down and I agreed. 6 months. He could only be the money man. He wasn't to touch the drugs or bring them into our family home. 

How does someone wear you down from a NO to a YES? That's what you are thinking right? I can tell you now what I didn't know then. Blaze was a master manipulator, a con artist, a liar of the most creative and grandeur kind. He had conditioned me for 8 years to have everything in his 'perfect life' look and be a certain way to those looking in. He had conditioned me to be, act and believe in a certain way. And I had no idea. Eyes wide shut.