It was early January 2012 when Blaze lost is runner. The guy decided to relocate to interstate (smart move dude). And with Blaze not working it was easy for him to slip into the role, even if it hadn't been part of our deal. He couldn't care less on what we had agreed upon. As his power and ego grew, he knew he had me cornered. I was on maternity leave, I had no income and he supported me by giving me $500 a week. Which I had to duly note every cent I spent, and what I spent it on (nappies idiot). 

It would be fair to say I had become a nuisance. Always home with a baby, always wanting support and some time out for myself. I wasn't a nuisance at all. I was your normal first time mum needing the support of a 'loving' husband and father. I didn't get that. The more time away from the house Blaze could spend, the happier in his little meth world he was.

So off Blaze would go. Flight to NSW, thousands of dollars in his carry on luggage. Phone switched off for 1 to 2 nights, and then he would just reappear. After dropping off a hire car he would arrive back into Adelaide with copious amounts of Ice. I wish I could put a weight value on it for you, back then I just knew it was A LOT. I guestimate at first it would have been half a kilo at a time, but the shipments sure got bigger as time went on.... it was never a little jay bag here or there.... WAY MORE.

How does this 'just happen'??? It just did. A lot of it behind my back and all of it out of my control.  I guess what we haven't got to yet is how much I loved this man, madly. But how unaware of how much he was in control of my life. And that didn't become apparent to me while I was still living with him, and until I finally got some counselling to see clearly through the haze (pardon the pun). And I will get there and explain of that side of it to you, but you just have to stay with me here and understand I did not realise how bad this situation was or how fast it was moving into a dark space I never saw coming or want to be part of.